Painting the town red..with anger?

I was on my way out the door yesterday morning when the phone rang. I usually don’t answer the landline since the calls are never for me anyway, but since I was right there, I just picked it up and turned out that this one was for me. My Tita Elsa (one of Mom’s many best friends) was in town and wanted to meet up for dinner.

It was nice to be able to talk about Mom again. Tita had with her, her Japanese husband, Sam. He was stricken with lung cancer and is now in remission. They’ve been married since forever and yet, Cara said she’d sneak glances at him and catch him gazing adoringly at Tita Elsa. That is the kind of love I wish to experience one day. Correction. Experience again. I did feel that with ***, I truly and honestly did. But, I let life’s lemons get to me and last night, my mind starting churning like crazy again.

Backtrack. Tita shoved a plastic bag full of pasalubongs for us and at first, we didn’t really pay attention to it (c’mon. it’s really not cool to start rummaging in the pasalubong bag like a starving dog while the giver is there right in front of you), but Tita herself pulled the bag to her and started taking out its contents. She has a knack for buying gifts. She gave Cara the most wonderful fine arts set (I call it this because I have no idea what it’s officially called) ever. Then, she gave Poch an MP3 player (gee, that’s what I get for always planning ahead and getting things done early. I’d already bought him one for Christmas, but hey..we’re not complaining). And I got a Coach wallet. Perfect, as Ive been making tiaga with my old coin purse since I cleaned out my stuff and hurled the wallet I was using into the trash. So we ended up being pretty happy that night.

Until, it was time to go home and get a cab.

Now, let me take this time to say that I really really hate Makati. I’m sorry, Makati-lovers. I don’t appreciate the place. Especially when it’s raining and you’re stuck in the rain, waiting for a cab. It’s a nightmare for commuters like me. I have this thing with being stuck out in the middle of the night. I panic. When I see the sea of people waiting to nab a cab (hey, what’s with the rhymes?), I just start to panic. And I get irritated and I curse and I grit my teeth and pull at my hair. And it didn’t help that the last time I was stuck in Makati in this situation, I was with ***. So the night was a clear reminder of what I had, but don’t have anymore. When we finally did get a cab that wasn’t trying to extort huge sums of money from us, I sat in silence and started to really feel bad about myself. This temper problem has really got to go. I mean, people left and right have upped and left me because of it. Then, I started to feel sad. Because I remembered Just Like Heaven and how, when asked about his late wife, Mark Ruffalo’s character fondly recalled all of his wife’s negative traits. Meaning, the things that irritated him were the same things made him love her so much. He loved her imperfections. I wish *** could love me and my imperfections so much that things didn’t have to turn out this way. But, I’ve already made peace with this issue – it’s just too private to post here.

Then, I turned to Cara and asked her if there ever was a time that I mellowed out. By that time, I was imagining better ways I could’ve managed the situation. I could’ve gamely challenged my siblings to walk to EDSA or some other destination while waiting to get a cab. Or I imagined we could’ve taken it all in stride and made fun of ourselves while flagging down a cab. Or simply just enjoying the rarity of the moment – me and my siblings hanging out in Makati on a weekday. Just like that one September night. I could’ve just reveled in ***’* presence. We could’ve just enjoyed hanging out. Sat on the green patch of grass in front of Glorietta and waited until everyone else had gone home and we’d have no competition for cabs. I just wish I was more of a free spirit. Wish I could just enjoy life to its fullest. Anyway, I digress. Cara said, yes, for awhile. When *** and I first got together. But, eventually, I went back to how I was. I guess you really can’t change other people unless they want to change for good. Even if the change was unintentionally. Old habits die hard. It wasn’t ***’* goal to change me as it wasn’t my goal to change her. But we did change for awhile, except that I guess we didn’t want it badly enough for ourselves because we morphed back into how we were before we met each other. Okay. Enough. I didn’t mean to reminisce.

I think that should be a New Year’s resolution. Live life and enjoy life. Oh, that is so going to be difficult because it is so not me, but hey, no harm in trying right?

Other issues to come later. If I don’t forget. Basta.

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