It’s been quite a year. A year full of turbulence. It’s the day before Christmas Eve and the next time I’ll be setting foot in this office, it’ll be a New Year, and hopefully, a better one. Was just flipping through my 2005 notebook, reminiscing (with alot of cringing) and getting ready to put it away, whilst my new handy dandy notebook sits on one corner of my desk, awaiting my abuse use.

If you’ve clicked on my previous posts, you’d have seen that I struggled quite a bit this year. A death in the family, personal problems, difficulty adjusting to new responsibilities at work, a traumatic breakup. One after the other, right after one issue is resolved, another surfaces. Sometimes, two issues or more will arise to rock my world. The difficult breakup, the most recent (and hopefully the last) of all troubles really knocked alot of sense into me.

Was chatting with M., taking in the strangely comforting chilly air, when I shared with her how I think I stopped enjoying life. The simple things in life that make life worthwhile amidst all the troubles: tea with a friend, watching a movie by myself, mini road trips with a cousin, out of town vacations with friends. These things, I haven’t done in awhile. I’ve always been a homebody, but these past four months, I’m actually learning to enjoy other people’s company. It’s amazing how your world gets bigger when you become single again.

To be continued…

January 2006

Christmas was surprisingly better than I expected. Met new cousins (okay, they’re really not new. Just haven’t met them before) and hung out with ones I’ve known all my life. The next day, I set out on a beach trip with Mama Jo and company. It’s the first time I went on an out of trip with people I don’t really know (Chi-Chi, Mama Jo and Pao were the only ones I really really knew) and it was quite refreshing. A new experience for me. I rode on a banana boat and went snorkelling for the first time. And, I learned to play poker!!! The one and only card game I know.. unless you count solitaire and monkey monkey. It was also the first time I went to bed not knowing who’d be sleeping beside me. I took a peek around dawn out of curiousity. For some reason, I find this interesting. Strange, I know, but that’s how calculated I am. I don’t do things without knowing exactly what’s going to happen and the Batangas trip was full of surprises. I found out just how small the world is. Mons ended up staying a few resorts down (I figured she’d be staying on some other beach) and I bumped into an ex during lunch. Then, upon getting off the boat, I saw Cammille and company on the beach. Perfect timing as they were just checking out places to stay.

I’ve changed so much in the past five months that sometimes, I surprise myself. I feel like I live in two different worlds. There are times when I slip back into the dark one and everything instantly becomes a blur, in my attempt to soften the roughness of things. Then there’s my new world, full of hope and possible happiness. I slip in and out of both just as easily as anything so I sometimes start to feel manic-depressive and sleep becomes a sanctuary.

I’m still hopeful that the New Year will bring new things and newfound hope and happiness. I’m slowly starting to heal (veeeery slowly, but at least I’m starting to na talaga).

So…. here’s to 2006!


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